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Let’s Imagine What Tesla’s Giga Beer Will Be Like

Picture this: It’s a Saturday afternoon, and you’re visiting a brewery in Austin, Texas. You nod to the guy in the black shirt with pearl buttons and wide-brimmed hat. You meander past the beer-barrel tables and sidle up to the glossy hardwood bar that seems to reflect millions of tiny lights. You look up at the chalkboard menu listing 10 types of Tesla Giga Beer.

Which one do you order?

The libation announcement came against the backdrop of the Gigafactory Berlin-Brandenburg County Fair, a festival to celebrate the grand opening of Tesla’s new Gigafactory in Grünheide, outside Berlin. Musk noted that, in addition to a train station on the property and graffiti murals throughout the factory, “We’re even going to have a beer.”

Musk stood in front of a large screen showing renderings of the Giga Bier bottle, designed in a modern and angular style reminiscent of Tesla’s Cybertruck.

The United States Patent and Trademark Office confirms that Tesla has trademarked the rights to use the phrases “Giga Beer” and “Giga Bier.” These patents are categorized under the primary US classes of Soft Drinks and Carbonated Waters, Foods and Ingredients of Foods, and Malt Beverages and Liquors. It’s uncertain if Tesla will petition for an additional trademark application in Germany. (Texas Monthly reports that an Austin brewery-to-be named Starbase Brewing registered its own trademark, on the same application date, for “GigaBeer.”)

Tesla Beer Styles

Tesla’s newly announced “Giga Beer” trademark has us at CleanTechnica having a bit of fun envisioning titles, styles, hoppiness, and character of the new company venture. We understand that boring names can also imply boring beer, so bear with us as we pique our imaginations with possible Tesla Giga Beer variations.

The Elan of Elon Lager:  It’s the entry point into beer for new beer drinkers and EV drivers — familiar, clean, with touches of light bitterness that only appear when the lager is criticized or underestimated.

Cat Running across a Keyboard Kolsch: The long form of X Æ A-12, this beer style commemorates Musk’s youngest child. Pale, highly attenuated, hoppy, with a good deal of naïve curiosity built into the malt exchange. This bright beer is filtered and not cloudy, resilient, flexible, and malleable. Its future is filled with possibilities.

AI Autopilot Amber: A medium-bodied lager that resonates with the “I’d rather be optimistic and wrong than pessimistic and right” attitude. Offers a toasty or caramel-like malt character. An aware beer that provides a broad view of the world, seeing in every direction simultaneously, and on wavelengths that go far beyond the human senses — or tastebuds.

Around-the-Block Full Self Driving Bock: Strong, sweet, with hoppy bitterness, this beer is stronger than your typical lager, slows you to a stop on your first sip approach. Requires your active supervision for full appreciation of its robust malt character. Assertive enough to achieve balance but not get in the way of the flavor of being in control. A “much safer” choice than other self-tending options.

Fate Loves Irony IPA: One of the “great companies are built on great products” beers. Made with more hops than a pale ale, this Indian Pale Ale’s alcohol content is between 4.5 and 17.2% and gets its characteristics from green, citrus, or fruity flavors. A good beer option when you’re ready to plunge in and take a chance that the experience will be the opposite of expectations. Could take over the world.

Saturday Night Live Pale Ale: Likeable, self-deprecating, a bit joking, this moderate strength beer bridges the gap between dark stouts and light lagers, between professional and bland delivery. This is the “I could say something truly shocking like ‘I drive a Prius’” beer, able to poke fun at the public-versus-private sides of us all.

Master Plan Deux Pilsner: A beer that holds an “If you get up in the morning and think the future is going to be better, it is a bright day” appeal. Falling under the lager category, this “ability to accelerate a sustainable future” beer requires scaling to expose its pale gold color and crisp flavor. Hoppy, ambitious, yet still light and drinkable. A winner for the century.

People Should Pursue What They’re Passionate about Porter: Mild, malty, and sweet with notes of caramel and chocolate. This beer has advantages over its competition even if sometimes finding some kickback. The model for others in its category due to unrivaled production costs, efficiency, and volume. Has a compelling undertone that will make you “happier than pretty much anything else.”

Supercharger Stout: A good example of “what we take for granted today would seem like magic” a hundred years ago. Known for its speed of delivery. Offers low bitterness, roasted malt flavor, and coffee and chocolate notes. A good choice for somebody who thinks, lives, and dreams big.

Wild Cybertruck Wheat: A “do it even if the odds are not in your favor” flavor. This is the Giga Bier that got the Tesla craft brewery line started. With sharp edges and futuristic aftertaste, this light color beer and alcohol level makes it a good fit for back country driving during the summer or reminiscing about those lazy days of youthful exuberance.

Join in! What are your ideas for Giga Beer styles?

Final Thoughts about Giga Beer

You may remember that Tesla already has a foray into the alcohol business with its “Teslaquila” — 2 batches of the añejo tequila sold out in a matter of minutes. Bottles, which sell online for $1000, came in lightning bolt–shaped bottles and were produced by Nosotros Tequila in Hermosa Beach, California.

Will Musk’s push into the beer biz be a well-designed success? Or will it end up in a laughable category like red satin short shorts and a fire-spewing device called the “Not-a-Flamethrower?”

Silly tangents aside, the Gigafactory Berlin-Brandenburg County Fair where the new beer venture was revealed was a delight for any Tesla fan or even the merely curious. The high-energy carnival outside the factory was color-filled with balloon giants, a Ferris wheel, sound stage, even chances to drive a Tesla. The visual barrage of sights and sounds continued as participants toured the factory. Such fun! Writing on Tesla graffiti walls. Seeing the various Tesla models up-front-and-personal. Getting a personal view of how robots work Tesla’s production lines. Witnessing how the cars are assembled in different stages. Video representations of technology and process. Chats with workers.

Being part of the Tesla family sure can be fun — bottoms up!

 

 
Written By

Carolyn Fortuna, Ph.D. is a writer, researcher, and educator with a lifelong dedication to ecojustice. She's won awards from the Anti-Defamation League, The International Literacy Association, and The Leavy Foundation. She’s molds scholarship into digital media literacy and learning to spread the word about sustainability issues. Please follow me on Twitter and Facebook and Google+

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